Cancer - SOO stressed! Can't cope :'( x

[Starsky]

I just can't cope anymore with all this stress.
I don't want to give up on her, it's the last thing i want to do but sometimes i just feel like ringing her owner up and telling her to come a deal with all the stress and worry forr a while.
It's nobody's fault and her owners really trying to help me out but everything is stressing me out so much.
She looks amazing, her condition is great but shes just so fed up. She seems drained and tired, moody and unhappy, and i feel so useless. I cant even get her to trot around the paddock anymore, all she wants to do is go and have a wander around the paddock and thats it.
She's uninterested in everything apart from food, food is the only thing that perks her up, going out for walks don't even make her happy anymore, I cant even make her happy.
Sorry for the moan i just don't know what to do anymore, i love her to bits but i have tried everything to make her happy and shes still miserable.
Whenever she moves i see little lumps asif they are more inside of her than outside so generally you don't see them unless you really look.
People at the yard think i'm over reacting because they think she's normal, but im noticing all the little personal things like just every day stuff and the way shes changing from what she was but they don't notice that because they don't no her like i do.
Im putting her on bute again for a week to see if she picks up and then if she does, we know its pain related and we will have to then, make some sort of decision, her life isn't fair at the moment, none of this has been fair, it happened to the wrong pony.

[classic astra]

im so sorry to hear this :( you must be going through hell. big hugs xx

[eeek]

Oh no, so sorry to hear all this :(

Just a small suggestion - could her depression be caused by something other than cancer maybe? How long has it been going on for? It's just that if she's looking great and eating well, she can't be THAT bad.
It might be hormonal.. Or maybe she has less energy because you are feeding her lower-energy food due to not working her anymore.. Have there been any changes to her routine? Even changing a horse's stable can make them depressed sometimes!

Big hugs to you and Star.
xx

[amandaco]

so sorry to hear...
are you sure shes actually fed up/llow though and its not you applying too much imaginiation..?

[black crow]

Big hugs!

Agree with above though, sometimes when theyre ill we can search too much for what we're afraid of and believe it. Just like if we google symptoms on the net and it tells us we have some nasty disease!

Hopefully it isnt the lumps effecting her too much, poor lass :(

xxx

[My Crazy Clan]

Ditto eeek!

so sorry, huge hugs.

[Teej]

I think the others have summed it up and it's so easy to jump to conclusions and assume the worst. As horse owners we all do it as we want the best for them and don't want to see them suffer in any way whatsoever.

It is heart breaking for you because you know she has this illness but animals are so different to us when it comes to this sort of thing and are far more resilient and far less emotional. If she was feeling really grotty, she probably wouldn't want to eat. The fact that she is still enjoying her food, walks around the paddock and looks good is a very good sign. Most horses would rather eat and meander around fields for the rest of their lives :)

I know its easier said than done but try not to get too stressed around her as any stress you are feeling when you are with her, she will pick up on and that could easily make her stressed or miserable.
x

[Loony]

I'm really sorry to hear this. Sounds like a very stressful time. xx

[XenaWarriorPrincess]

*Huge hugs*
Really dont know what to say apart from sorry, as at the end of the day only you really know star..
xxx

[sazzy925]

((( HUUUGE HUGS))))))
What ever happens, everyone on here is here for you for what ever you need.
I hope like eeek has suggested that it's something else not the lumps affecting her, you guys need a bit of good luck.

[vels mum]

Tracey has said what I would have said. When we love a horse as much as you do star (and me vel) we sometimes create in our heads more than we need to, we think too much and make it complicated. Horses are very basic thinking, yes she is ill but she doesnt know whats wrong with her like we do.
Hunny I dont really know how to say what I want to say and at the end of the day you know her best, you are such a strong girl and your right it did happen to the wrong horse.

[Jill]

Oh, dear.

But might there be other causes for the lumps? If she's eating well she probably isn't too depressed and miserable - you may well be seeing things because you are looking for them.

I do hope it is a good outcome for you.

[Starsky]

I can see what your all saying but I don't see how i am looking for things because it's not up until the last week or so that i have seen such a dramatic change in her.
Some days she looks fantastic but as my mum pointed out tonight, somedays she looks awful and her coat looks dull, I think if anything, im kidding myself that theres nothing wrong with her as whenever anything happens and it is mentioned I try and shrug it off a bit, but this time i can't, its too much that is changing.
Her owner came down tonight and she hasnt seen her in two weeks and she is adament the lumps have grown. She got to the yard before me and she just thinks she has been foul and i was shocked as I didnt mention this to her, But she said she watched her in the paddock, the first thing she usually does is roll, literally as soon as she gets out, today she kept going to roll but didn't, when she finally did, when her back end where all the lumps are went down, she did it really slowly and when it touched the area where they are her head shot up and she got up pretty much straight away, as though it hurt.
Tonight when i went to look at them, i went to touch them to show my mum and she threatened to kick and swung her bum away from me.
There haven't been any changed to her, same yard, same stable, same me, same people, same horses, feed - well she's on mollichop aswel as carrots, garlic and hi fi original and has been for a while now so i cant see how she could be getting less energy out of that, only the same really as she is getting just as much as she used to as i don't want her to drop weight.
Ifeel like i am making excuses for everything that you have said, and im not saying you are wrong because i want your opinions its just so hard, its just because i know her inside out now and i know somethings not right, maybe you are right, it may not be the lumps but everything just seems to link in, like tonight she came out really stiff and swollen only on her hinds ...
i dunno, you're probably all right because i seem to have lost ALL knowledge lately, i just don't know what to do anymore because everything i do seems to have no or the wrong effect!

[Poppy and Harmony]

Oh Sarah :( Try to keep strong hunny *massive squidges*

[vels mum]

Its really hard to give advise Sarah, its you who knows her inside out and its you who knows whats best for her, if you think she is really unhappy perhaps you need to speak to her owner. Is it definately cancer?

[Starsky]

Well her owner is ringing the vet tomorrow to get advice from him so will see what they say.
The vet wont say if its deffinately cancer because he cant commit himself to that and he admitted that himself but he pretty much like properly overly hinted what he thought and because theres so many lumps in the same sort of area as it was in the start we are pretty sure.

[vels mum]

He really needs to give you a proper diagnosis, it will affect her future and you and her owner are the ones who have to decide whats best for her.

[Lucy B]

ah Sarah, so sorry that Star is not right. Thinking of you both x

[Horse Mad Mum]

aww hun I am sorry to hear this maybe the vet can give you an idea of the way forward, she will be picking up on your stress, but she knows you love her and nobody coudl love her more huge hugs HMM XXXX

[Cinders]

oh hun, i can only imagine how hard and stressful this is for you and star! I don't think your over reacting, you get to know your own horse so well that you can pick up on subtle changes that others won't even notice!

Hope the vet can give you some positive suggestions or even just some reassurance, massive *hugs* xxxx

[bimba]

I'm so sorry Sarah, I don't know what else to say. If you ever want to just let off steam feel free to PM me, will be thinking of you both xx

[fell lover]

Big hugs Stranger, am thinking of you xxxxx

[Welly]

If she's truly miserable and not having a good quality of life as she is, then personally (and this is purely what I would do) I would have the biopsy done so you know once and for all if the lumps are cancer or not. I know if it is cancer then opening them up to air will only increase the speed with which they spread BUT if she's suffering anyway and was my pony then that is without a doubt the road I'd look to go down.

Hugs as I know its not an easy decision to make xx