View Full Version : Sad .. feel such a failure .. starting to feel over-horsed and nervous :(
5th October 2009, 07:20 PM
Hi, as you know i've been sharing Rio now and i have been going down more a less everyday to get used to him and ride him out etc. All has been going well until recently, i.e yesterday.
I feel such a f**ing failure and a wimp if i'm honest. He's a lovely horse, 16.1hh 13yro TB Gelding. Anyway recently, hes started really bullying the two mares he shares his field with, if we fuss the mares he lashes out at them and we have to stand with Rio whilst he has his tea because if he finishes first he will bully the girls away and eat theres too..
Also he is very protective of them..
Anyway, i don't know if i'm starting to feel 'Over-horsed' by him because he made me really nervous yesterday, I came down a bit late and we're going to hack him out & I don't usually have a problem with taking him away from the field on his own. But anyway as i took him out (in eyesight of the other 2) whilst i tied him up and went to groom him, he just yanked back so hard and then panicked himself and then snapped his headcollar off as he did a little rear and flew backwards, he then trotted around the field snorting with a snapped headcollar around his head and then he grazed. I caught him again (shaking and nervously) and proceeded to tie him again, after patting him and calming him down. He was ok after this and i carried on talking to him and i tacked him up, which he was fine about. & then as i led him out the field, he was fine but as we was out of view of the other 2 they whinnied to him and he did this awful loud sounding neigh and was throwing his head up and prancing about, pulling ( I was still on the ground )
Ok he hasn't hurt me but i'm sad to admitt i'm actually quite nervous of him. It seems he's the strong one and i'm the weak one and after that i gave up and untacked him as quickly as possible and turned him back out, not that i wanted too but i was just too nervous and didnt want to risk anything hacking out alone. :(
I'm coming to the terms with that maybe i feel over horsed? He's a big lad and powerful and i'm 5ft1 so not really a match for him. I don't want to give him up because i DO like him and to ride he's a star. It's just lately he's been acting like this.
I'm so sad because I don't want to give up on him but whats the point if i'm just going to be scared of him? He hasn't even hurt me and reading what ive just written he did doesn't sound much but when he went up slightly and pulled so hard that his halter snapped etc it scared me because of his power and how silly he was being. I don't rush him or anything either, i always sooth him and talk to him as im handling him etc.
Ohh i don't know. I get all excited and now I can't even handle my own horse. :(
5th October 2009, 07:32 PM
Are the mares in season? That could explain his behaviour a bit if he doesn't normally whinney etc to them. I'm only about 5'2'' and I own a 16.2 TB so know what you mean about sometimes feeling like theres a lot of horse under/above you, don't let his size put you off if that's the only reason you feel over-horsed as it doesn't sound like he's taking advantage of you because you're small. Maybe see if someone can go with you until you feel happier around him. Hope you work it out as you seemed really happy last week xx
5th October 2009, 07:41 PM
Ohh Mica, you're not a failure!! Bimba has a good point about the mares possibly being in season, that will be getting him a bit riled up! I'm 5ft 10 and I still get nervous handling horses on the ground if they're not a dope on a rope, simply because it's not something I've ever really been used to.
Keep persisting, I think you'd be kicking yourself if you gave him up and looked back at why. The more you get to know his ways, the more confident you will be at handling them. It doesn't sound like he was doing anything vicious, as you probably already know, so I would give him the benefit of the doubt for now and put it down to a bad day!
Can you bring a friend with you next time?
5th October 2009, 07:47 PM
Thanks guys :) Bimba and emmalou - I think you've nailed it, the mares are actually in season so this could be why i guess?! Yay a ray of sunshine has came through...
Yep bimba i know I do sometimes feel like im useless when he raises his head because i'm like hell yeah i can't reach and feel such a short arse right now. Lol
I don't want to give up on him, i will go down again, thursday will be the next time i'm down. Nah i agree, i dont think he is being malicious either but just he made me wary of him, perhaps because i'm new to him aswell, don't know all his quirks etc.
Your right, i will kick myself if i give him up after an incident like that, i'm going to keep trying my best with him :)
BC - Did you mean why i haven't had a horse for so long before Rio?? x
5th October 2009, 07:52 PM
Thats good!! I bet the next time you see him he'll be good as gold again :)
5th October 2009, 07:55 PM
Im hoping so :) .. But i'll ruin it because i bet i'll be really nervous around him thinking he's going to do something.
Bottle of vodka before i go should do the trick ;) Hehe only joking x
5th October 2009, 08:10 PM
Pffft :lol: as if you ever need a reason to down a bottle of vodka :cheekywink:
It'll take time to get your confidence back 100%, for sure, but you'll notice improvements everytime you go and see him x
5th October 2009, 08:26 PM
Hehee i no .. I was that stupid this weekend i even lost my phone and provisional licence because of it :( ..
But yeahh i hope too .. I hope he bonds with me too .. He looks up at me when i first arrive but then hes like yeah ****** off and carrys on grazing no matter what i do! My boy doesn't like me!! Hahaa. Mind you, i give him a scratch on his withers the other day and he turned round and nudged me a little i was like aww :) .. You should come down and have a ride one day emmalou! Though we're quite far away hehe x
5th October 2009, 08:35 PM
Eeeekkk! Not good. You going to have to cough up another £50 for a provisional? Such a major rip off isn't it?!
Yeahh not exactly nextdoor but we're not THAT far I suppose!! If I ever have any spare money I might take you up on that offer! x
My Crazy Clan
5th October 2009, 08:53 PM
My lot are acting strange at the moment, I think its the weather, give him a bit more time I'm sure your be okay.
5th October 2009, 09:10 PM
I am sure it is just a seasonal blip. However, if I were you, I would put a bridle on him while leading him backwards and forwards from the field, in case he gets too strong-you would have more control. In the end-he is bigger and stronger than you, so you need some help! (if its a long term problem, you could buy a control headcollar)
Also, if he misbehaves, don't be afraid to shout, growl and make scarey noises at him-he has to learn that his behaviour in unacceptable. Don't worry, every horse owner goes through a confidence crisis at some pont! Good luck-Nessx
5th October 2009, 09:27 PM
Yes you should emmalou! Ahh wasn't quite 50 but set me back £20. Grrr, could do without it! Lol.
What have your boys been acting like Rhea?
Ness - Thank you :) I'm down tomorrow now, his owner is working till late so i will be down to see him. If he's like it again, i might have to look into the control headcollar, or temporarily lead him in and out the field in a bridle. Its more when i tie him up, he doesn't seem to like it because he just wants to be eating and he plays up and pulls back!
Thanks anyway, its not just me who has suffered a knock back! x
5th October 2009, 11:38 PM
I'm 5'7 and my TB, Chip is also 16.1 He knows how strong he is and regularly uses that strength on the ground. I think TB's are also very aware of their own intelligence and you have to remain one step ahead !
When he drags me around one time too many...usually to a patch of grass whilst I'm leading him,:rolleyes: I change from his normal headcollar to a dually. All dragging stops with the dually!
He 'hates' people and horses at feed time and although he will tolerate me near him, he does not like to be touched whilst eating which is fine and I get that.
The thing is that even a 13h pony is a lot stronger than we are and regardless of their size, we need to remain firm and 'in control', even if that means getting help from the likes of a dually !
Don't give up on him, and don't give up on yourself..... you are not a failure, sometimes they make us feel that way ! It took me a while to get used to Chip's quirks and ways. I don't tolerate bad manners on the ground and the dually helps with that.
I suppose like us, horses too have different personalities and Chip definitely has attitude.... and he is the cutest little boy horse on the planet :)
6th October 2009, 02:33 PM
Aww thank you for those lovely kind words everyone. You've really given me hope and confidence! I'm alone tonight again doing the feeds as no one else can get down, I will take Rio in the shelter whilst i give him his feed and unfortunatley have his headcollar on whilst he tucks in!
Its re-assuring to know you've had similiar problems like this, it really motivates me more to think hey i'm not the only one here having a knock back!
Tracey - Chip sounds exactly like Rio! He drags me for a patch of grass lol. How much is a dually? It sounds good i'm interested now! x
6th October 2009, 04:02 PM
I am only 5ft 1 and my two girls have lovely manners now but it has taken some work to get them. My 16.2 barged and dragged me in the first year I owned her and my 14.2 she did the same including much worse. Spot 15.2 Appaloosa we have owned a year and he is only just starting to settle with my girls. He whinnies when separated and gets anxious so we have to lead him in a bridle as he spins and takes off. Just reinforcing you as the leader and being firm is all you can do and praise when they are good.
6th October 2009, 05:14 PM
Thanks Mobell, will try the bridle technique until i guess i will get a dually. Did it ever knock your confidence? & did it take long to build it back up again? x
6th October 2009, 05:28 PM
Hopefully it is just a one-off. Mares being in season can really rock the boat!
My boy is normally a complete lamb, but his manners went AWOL for a few days when his new companion moved in. The first 2 days were OK, then she went into season, and Vinny was pretty unmanageable for a couple of days until the stallion next door moved away and the mare's hormones calmed down. That was about 2 months ago and I've had my sweet old Vinny back ever since.
In the 7 years I've had him there have been a handful of occasions where he has really played up whilst being tacked up or tied up, and if I didn't know him so well and knew it was all just a babyish tantrum (yes, at 14...) I would certainly be frightened.
So don't worry too much! It is totally normal to be wary of a new horse until you get used to them, and he is probably thinking the same about you.
6th October 2009, 05:55 PM
Aww thanks eeek. I'll let you know how all goes tonight because i'll be down on my own again. Mind, I won't be doing anything with him other than leading him into the small paddock to feed him!
I think he deffinatley is sussing me out still .. I think he has only just started to recognise me because when i first arrive he comes to say hi and everything and he never did before :)
I won't give up! I can't :D x
6th October 2009, 06:08 PM
I've just re-read my post and I sound like a Dually salespeson :lol:
I got the black one for Chip which was the recommended size (Cob) for TBs. Its a teeny bit big but it's fine. I think I paid £38 for it.
Do some research and get opinions from others because some people don't like the Dually at all and prefer other halters such as the 'Be Nice'.
The Dually works very well on Chip and I feel completely in control when he has that on.
Good luck :)
6th October 2009, 07:07 PM
check what your feedign him? its ok we all ahve nervous times :) also mayeb turn him out seperatrly to the girls so he isnt so attached
6th October 2009, 08:42 PM
Haha Tracey! Dually ... dually .. oh and dually ;) lol! Hmm i will have to research it. I feel like spending tonight... I might go flick through my robinson's catologue!
Hot to trot - He has speedi-beat mixed with chaff and oh my i cant think of the name of the other stuff .. its very fine like sand and he has it watered down. This is what his owner has been feeding him so i'm just going by her rules! I no sugarbeet can make horses lively but hasn't speedi-beat got 95% less sugar??
We'll be doing that soon, well he might be still with one of the mares, but my cousin has bought a new foal so when he's weaned and everything he will be moved in with Emma so they will be seperated a bit more then :) & he will be stabled on nights soon too x
7th October 2009, 10:25 AM
I think we all feel nervous at times its a respect thing and that is good. When it becomes a real problem with your nerves take a deep breath, sing or take someone with you. Sometimes you do things without realising that you are passing on your anxiety. My instructor was watching me tack my little mare up and Sun started to stamp her foot. She asked me what I was thinking about I said I was thinking to myself to hurry up and I hope the lesson goes well. She said by not being in the moment and rushing around I was passing on anxiety so try not to rush or worry.
When I first got Spot he wouldn't let me near him in the field and it took carrots etc., to get near him and catch him. So we started with treats and a fuss, then just a fuss and now when I go in the field to check them over or poo pick I ask him to move over, back up and walk forward just using his halter then give him a scratch on his itchy scratchy spot. Some horses you build a trust and leadership with very quickly others it does take time I'm afraid.
7th October 2009, 10:30 PM
You said you went there a bit late that day. The mares being in season no doubt made a difference. But I wonder if you were in any hurry? I've always found that my worst times have been if I've been under any pressure of time at all - even if I don't think I'm telling the horse, I am probably slightly stressed because I know I haven't got long. And of course the horse has picked up on that straight away. Now I don't do anything if I know I haven't got plenty of time. It may not have been that at all, and we all have bad days, so don't worry, see how it goes.
8th October 2009, 01:24 PM
Hmm I wonder if it was? That he just picked up on my anxiety because your right horses tend to do that don't they? I was a little stressed that day because I was late yes!
Mobell - Thats exactly what i'd be like, all i think is got to get the tack on else if i take to long i'm going to pee him off! So i think i just need to take a few deep breathes, realise everything is Ok and carry on as normal :)
Everything went great Tues night - He was a really good boy. & I'm riding him tonight yay x
9th October 2009, 12:53 PM
Glad you had a good session on Tuesday and hope last night was good too.
9th October 2009, 05:38 PM
Having read your post I know exactly how you feel and I'm sure that many other people do as well. He is a big lad, but at the end of the day he needs to learn that you are in charge. As you are new to each other, I feel that he may be testing your boundaries (as a small child would), he knows that he is physically bigger than you and he is using that to his advantage. I think the mares being in season is also adding fuel to the fire, so to speak. Try doing some join up with him - in my experience this technique has worked wonders with the most impossible horses and I think it will help you to re-establish your status with him. The sooner you can set your boundaries, the sooner you will get the respect back from your boy and your confidence will grow with him. By using the join up technique you can also teach him to lower his head when asked, which will make your life much easier, make him less imposing to you and will also help him to relax. I hope you can sort your teething troubles out soon and start enjoying him again. Good luck.
10th October 2009, 07:40 PM
Not that I am that experienced but, whatever your problem be it big or small, don't beat yourself up about it. Is there any way you can have someone with you for a while? I have had Pisces for nearly 4 years now and have never been afraid of her until now. She has had various injuries and time off with change of yard etc. so is very unsettled. I wouldn't be doing anything with her if it wern't for a lovely person helping me out and being with me. I advertised for a sharer and we go out to ride together. It helps me so much. Pie has been breaking away to be with her new friends and even ran up the road the other week in her confusion to get away. But she is settling now due to my new found confidence all be it very wobbley at the moment. She is a big girl 14.3hh cross Clydedsdale. Can't do a thing if she decides to turn and go! I was very pleased with myself the other day as I took control and she DID go in the stable and not back to her friends. I was frightened of her and she knew it! Then there was the insident when she wouldn't go past her field as she wanted to be with the others again.I had to wave like an idiot to other people to make her move (she had planted and threatened to dive off again). All it took was someone behind her to give her a shove so she didn't get her own way.So you are not the only one feeling like you do. I hope you get back on track soon but don't feel a failure whatever you do. x Let me know how you are doing and I will tell you of our traumas as well if you like.
12th October 2009, 03:22 PM
Thank you mandy and Mrs B , your comments are much appreciated :)
I have found since taking somebody down with me, or going with my cousin when she goes to see her horse, i feel much more at home and safe, which is really good!
I think Rio was testing me out, he used to look at me out the corner of his eye, he did that day when he jumped back and frightend himself and me!
I had a brilliant day saturday - We all went together and had all the horses out together, grooming them and tacking them up for a ride, Rio was happy to be with the others and i felt at ease with this ..
Also, i am buzzing since saturday because usually he ignores me but saturday he just wanted a fuss, was nudging me, licking my hands etc and he was so cuddly i love him all over again! He stood like an angel too and was a good boy when he hurt his hoof slightly and let me pick his hooves up and have a look!
Then onto riding, he was amazing, so calm and gentle doing as i wanted and i schooled him for a bit and we even had a jump and i havent jumped in like god knows how many years! Apart from a tiny x-pole i did once months ago at a riding school.
He was such a star to jump, didn't rush me or anything yet put in a lovely jump and my confidence was sky high! I am just so pleased with him and its warmed my heart that he is begining to know me and trusts me .. Ahh :) so happy :)
Sorry i've gone off subject but just thought i would update you...
I also have another pony on the way to care for! Penny, which is my old pony Rocky's full sister! Eeeek im going to have my hands full but im so excited! She will be my YO's mare but we will care for her and ride her out! She was first offered to me but atm i can only afford ri so it was only fair :) xx
12th October 2009, 03:42 PM
Well done sounds like you both feel happier with your friends to support you.
12th October 2009, 05:39 PM
Yeahh i sure do :) I think its the fear of being alone and anything went wrong I wouldn't really have a leg to stand on or ask anyone for help, its deffo worth being with others :)
14th October 2009, 03:29 PM
So pleased that you are feeling better about things. We went out yesterday and although I wasn't riding Pie I saw how good she was with my friend so have decided it's my turn next time to canter her.The more we take her out the better she gets and anyway, who wants to hack out alone? Not me :-) x
14th October 2009, 05:05 PM
Aww well its great news to hear all things are going well for you too! I'm sure the canter will go well and you will just be having fun!
Haha, not me either, i don't have the balls really to do so! Lol x
15th October 2009, 07:28 AM
Well I've been handling big horses all my life, and yesterday my 15.2 dragged the lead rope out of my hands and galloped up the field to his mates, and pratted about for 10 minutes before I could catch him. I ended up leading him in his bridle.
Sometimes they have these 'moments', if you feel unsafe leading, make sure you have your hat on, decent boots and gloves so you don't end up with the rope burns that I've got!
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