I'm beating myself up here.. when will this feeling go!

[Pie_x]

ARGHHHH I just want to SCREAM.

I HATE myself, i really really do.

I've got Annie... Amazing, beautiful sweet mare, so genuine, cuddly loving and already i can tell she loves me to pieces she follows me everywhere, she whinnys at me and stays with me until i have to go. Shes a confidence giving pony.

When i first tried her.. very much a PLOD. Urmm horse riding heaven for me! I don't like fast horses i like plods but what have something about them. For me Annie = Perfect.


Right but the thing is, since Rio bolted with me... I seem to despise hacking and i find myself making excuses not to ride.. I keep myself 'busy' so i can say, ahh i don't have time to ride now .. i need to shoot off. But deep down i'm dying to ride my pony!! I only get to ride her weekends too. As it is pitch black by the time i finish work.

Its a tricky one, like i say i want to ride but i'm making excuses not too .. when i rode annie out last weekend, my riding went to pot.. I was awful. Just sat there like a cabbage. I KNOW i can ride but my nerves are so bad that i daren't 'ride' ... It got windy last week and as we got down the lane/road near to where Rio bolted with me i just felt physically sick.. I wanted to get back home, untack annie and go home. Bearing in mind she was walking at like 0.5mph ... Hardly scary right?

Just what the hell is wrong with me. Im so stressed, im riding tomorrow whether i like it or not else it will just get worse. I don't want to ruin her, because she is amazing yet still young and needs to learn from me. We've bonded amazingly on foot but riding .. If i don't get a ******* grip shes not going to learn anything.

I don't know what to do? My confidence has gone, i can't get it back. i just absolutley ******* hate myself. I think about it constantly. I want to ENJOY my pony and the silly thing is i want to ride her but the sick feeling of fear is taking over and stopping me.

Everyone is welcome to slate me all they want, im a bad mum to my gorgeous girl for not wanting to ride her when all she does is look after me

Just would like some tips on how people got there confidence back? I smile when i think about the summer that i could be competing her but then i get knocked back down to reality when i think of how i am now.. Don't get me wrong, i don't feel like this in a school. But at the minute until it gets filled, it is un usable so the only option is to hack.

Sorry for the rant, just so mad with myself. I need to get a grip.

x

[Cinders]

First of all don't beat yourself up as that's not achieving anything other than making you feel even worse! Your not a bad mum to annie!

Rather than trying to 'get over it' break it down into managable steps, set little goals then you can't fail what about walking down the road then riding her back? Going out with a friend on a safe experienced horse that you trust won't set annie off? Have you got anyone would could go with you, even if it's just on foot?

Good luck, it won't last forever and soon you'll be back out having long, fun rides xx

[Sasca]

this is perfectley normal and she's not going to know your 'abandoning' her. Just that she's had a good few days off, yippeee!

Break it down, your not going to take her for a hack, your litterally going to have a 5 min sit on her, just plodding about, thats all. Then 10 mins.

Just do short little rides and pretty much you'll have forgotten your nerves and remembered why you loved it in the first place.

You Can NOT get over this by thinking alone. You HAVE to get back on and the longer you leave it, the bigger deal it will be. TAKE her for a tiny ride tomorrow and let us know how you feel after that. You'll be fine, you know this is in your head so you'll recover easy. Everyone on here will sympathise and support you to get through this. We've all been there or will be to some extent.

[Loony]

*hugs*!!

Depends what kind of person you are as to what you should do.

If you're a determined person, give it some more time. Wait till him bolting with you isn't so fresh in your mind, and you've gained some confidence hacking around but not in that area. Then once you feel ready, (and you will at some stage, it's just better not to push yourself), then go for it and take it slow. Once you've done it a few times with no problems, then you're fine and dandy and you'll laugh to yourself!!

But if you're one of those people where if you avoid it a few times, you'll never go back there again and will always think you can just avoid it.. then bring someone along with you and bite the bullet and do it. No matter how scared you are, really try and focus your fear into the back of your mind, take a deep breath and walk past it. Its like falling off a horse, if you don't get back on straight away then you never will.

Its so scary losing your bottle though so I completely sympathise!! It will pass though x

[helena]

Maybe get a few lessons to get your confidence back. It happens to us all, don't worry. I'm fairly sure the horses will be pleased to be getting time off, mine usually sulk when they see the saddle!

[fairyfeet]

First off, There's no need to feel guilty and you are not a bad mum for neglecting her at all! No horse/pony cares less if they are not ridden! How many do you know that insists on working instead of being out in the field? None!
Now how to get your confidence back. Slowly does it and you only do what is comfortable for you. Ignore any comments, don't rush anything, and pick the right time and the right weather too!
Choose a calm day, have someone with you either on a calm, reliable horse or on foot and just go out for 5 minutes. If you feel happier on a lead rein that's ok too!
Just do what you feel you can cope with, and increase it slowly. Choose your route carefully so you don't think about potential problems and mostly RELAX!
Riding should be a pleasure not a chore and certainly not a frightening, scarey experience.
Gradually you will learn to trust your horse and yourself and your confidence will return. Humming and singing can both help, as can constant chatter to your horse.
Good luck, its only the first couple of times you will feel this bad, after that it won't be such a big deal.

[lil_legs]

First of all, you are not a bad mum!!

There aren't many horses out there that would dislike having time off lol!

Secondly, you are not the only person to have to go through this, I have done a couple of times. I am now happy to ride pretty much anywhere. For a long time i had a huge phobia of ditches, mainly because a horse i had used to like going down them!!

Thirdly, it will take time but it will come back and by summer you can enjoy Annie fully.

What you need to do is break it all down, don't make yourself go on a full hack. Ask someone on the yard if they mind helping you, take them with you either on foot or on a horse you know is sensible. Then just five minutes up the road.

Either walk her up the road and ride her back, or walk her a little way, and then get on her, but only do it when you are confident to. You will have to push yourself to do things to a point, but don't scare yourself more.

If you feel more confident on the lead rein, then go for it. Your aims here could be to feel confident to control the horse on the lead rein. Then work up to coming off leadrein but person on foot right next to you, and then the person slowly moving away.

You obviously have a great little mare there as you know, she won't mind how long it takes you to get the confidence back. But i promise you will!!

[Zeitgeist Mom]

I think there are loads of us on here who can relate to this post. Losing confidence is just horrible, and so hard to get back. First of all, sounds like you and Annie have a great relationship. There is just so much more to horses than riding. I alwways say I could live without riding, but I could never live without horses.

My advice would be just to forget about riding for a while. You haven't had Annie that long, just take some time, months even, to get to know her on the ground. It makes such a difference. I bought an ex racer once with a bad tendon injury who had to be walked in hand for 5 months. By the time he was fit for riding I was 8 months pregnant, and it was the easiest thing in the world to get on him because I had come to know him so well. Kita too, I haven't ridden since I bought her a year ago. I plan to re back her in the spring, and I don't feel the least bit bad about giving her all that time off. It's been the best thing for both of us. It has really helped to build our relationship and settle both our nerves! There is so much you can do with your horse on the ground, riding is not the be all and end all.